Annabelle Comes Home: A Trilogy Comes to an End With a Fizzle

The trilogy of demon doll conduits ends with Annabelle Comes Home. Probably. They trot this doll out in every one of these movies and even IRL take her out for the occasional meet and greet. Girly is the cash cow of the Conjuring Universe and they know it. It’s never safe to assume she’s done. She hasn’t been menacing for at least the last 2 movies, so I’m hopeful we can move on to something more interesting. Who wants to bet she makes an appearance in Last Rites?

Anyway… Check out Annabelle Comes Home here if you haven’t seen it already and spoilers galore if you continue reading.

My. God. It’s those nurses again. Telling the same story for the 3rd time? At least. Do you think they filmed this one time from so many angles they felt like they needed to use them all? Or did they find this so incredibly compelling they thought we needed to see it a bunch of times? Once again I’m struck by the random dude, I assume is someone’s boyfriend who doesn’t need to be here, adds nothing to the scene, and looks like he got lost and wandered into a demon interview and didn’t know how to leave. Give him a line at least.

This time we see what happened after the nurse scene. Big stuff. Annabelle and I are both jamming out to Band of Gold while Ed drives her to demon jail in the Warren’s house. They briefly stop at an accident and have to route around it. Ed awkwardly asks if they can help. But no Ed, not every situation calls for your brand of assistance. They drive off, but not before Lorraine sees the victim’s ghost wandering around.

Using actual, physical maps to change course seems like a nightmare. Obviously, they miss a turn because look at this situation. 30% of all drivers probably ended up dying on a random side road pre-gps era. The car breaks down on the spookiest possible road. Right in front of a cemetery with Silent Hill levels of fog. Ed jumps out to do car things.

We get a bunch of false scares before the lady from the accident jumps in the car and compliments Annabelle. And possibly everyone from the cemetery shows up to watch Ed try to fix the car. They probably get minimal entertainment on this back road, so I don’t really blame them for the people watching.

BUT. Pushing people in front of moving trucks is really a bridge too far for me and that’s exactly what they do to Ed. He doesn’t, like, die or anything but dick move ghosts. Lorraine thinks this is all Annabelle’s fault. Like moths to a flame, so do demons flock to this doll.

By the time the Warrens arrive home, no info on how out of the way they went, the priest is already there. I wonder what it costs them to keep this man on retainer? They actually clear off a chair for Annabelle to sit on. I guess she gets special treatment. I’d have just chucked her on a shelf. But even after a blessing and some praying, she’s still emanating evil vibes. This is why she ends up in the extra glass, church glass in fact, cage. She needs a double layer of protection.

** Sidenote: Annabelle just rolled into a town nearish me. All the 911 systems went down, and she got blamed on the social medias for it. I blame poor infrastructure with minimal investment into safety systems. Sorry Annabelle.

CRAWL TIME! To recap, Annabelle is extra evil, needs to be kept in a super scary, frequently blessed room (unless she wants to visit Gettysburg, I guess) and is more evil than any evil ever. Jump hop skip! One year later…

Ed and Lorraine are going out of town. I would imagine this is what they are always doing, leaving their daughter Judy in the car of her babysitter, Mary Ellen. Judy heads to school for the day where she gets followed by a ghost priest. She brings a crucifix for protection, an odd choice against a priest – I’d use rock music, but he doesn’t seem to bother her much. The kids, on the other hand, cannot stop making fun of her for what her parents do and because they think she has ghost cooties. Lean into it Judy. Scare them straight.

Mary Ellen hits the local mart to pick up supplies for an early birthday celebration for Judy and is accosted by her friend Daniela. Daniela is pissed that Mary Ellen is working for ghost hunters and didn’t tell her about it. I think this is fair. She blackmails Mary Ellen into inviting her over by threating to tell Bob of Bob’s-got-balls fame and the cashier, that Mary Ellen likes him if she doesn’t let her come. Mary Ellen gives in. They get eggs for $0.59 a dozen, which is outrageous, and Daniela tells Bob anyway.

Daniela shows up at the house last night where Mary Ellen is making a birthday cake. Top-notch baby sitting is happening here. I hope they pay well. Daniela wants to check out the creepy stuff room but gets shot down. She came with a plan. She hands Judy a birthday gift of roller skates and suggests that Judy and Mary Ellen try them out while she watches the cake. I know she’s going to let it burn while she snoops through all the things, but Mary Ellen is a trusting girl. Life hasn’t made her jaded just yet.

Daniela is at the Demonology room before the front door closes. My god, this wallpaper is a choice.

It’s locked, so let the snooping commence! It is stupid easy for her to find the key. Ed left in sitting on the desk behind a picture of Jesus. Daniela walks in and plays with everything. She checks out Annabelle, questioning the extra cage, plays a piano, grabs some artfully scattered coins, looks at some potential wedding dresses. You get the idea. Daniela isn’t interested in the taxidermied german Shepard in the corner but I am. What’s his deal?

She sets a photo on the piano of her and her dad asking him to talk to her, and now we have her motivation. Her dad died, and she figured she could talk to him again if she surrounded herself with a bunch of evil, demon things. Or something. I’m not clear on the logic, but that’s what she’s going for. Nothing happens. Giving up, she plays with Annabelle a bit.

Everyone gets startled by the fire alarm beeping, see I bet you forgot about that cake, meaning Daniela does not carefully put Annabelle back and doesn’t lock the door. That lock is all that is keeping humanity safe from chaos.

Mary Ellen walks in amid the cake fiasco and attempts to salvage it. She orders them pizza for dinner. Mere moments later, someone knocks on the door. The Annabelle girl from the first movie is there and asks to play with Annabelle, so herself? Mary Ellen’s like you’ve got the wrong house. But Annabelle says nope. Annabelle is behind you! Mary Ellen turns around to…nothing. The little girl is gone now too. She chalks it up to weird kid behavior and goes off to find Judy and Daniela, who are outside feeding chickens. Kids are weird BUT they also seem to be prone to demony behavior, so this is really a toss-up situation.

Daniela sees her ghost dad. She doesn’t tell anyone, instead opting to run inside suspiciously. She doesn’t find him.

Judy gets inside and seems to feel the change in the air. She finds Annabelle in a rocking chair, her preferred form of seat, but the doll disappears. She like to be an enigma. Keep the people guessing. Judy hears banging on a door to, possibly, a closet? I’m not clear about the layout of this place. It doesn’t matter because Judy stands in the middle of the room while a bride walks around the outside, this is tired Conjuring – pick something new, finally attacking her when she reaches the hallway door.

Mary Ellen hears Judy scream, but it’s all good. She defended herself with a crucifix. Judy thinks nothing is really amis yet because, as she confides in Mary Ellen, she has been seeing things like her mom does. They join Daniela in Ed’s office to look over a bunch of his old files. Mary Ellen is pretty appalled, but Judy admits to doing this sometimes, too. How could you not read these things?

Mary Ellen can only handle so much rule breaking, so she insists they stop this and play a nice board game. They find a new one called Feely Meely. I’m not kidding. It is real. They are all, probably, haunted. We know that this was in the artifact room earlier, but none of our unsuspecting characters do. You literally stick your hand in this book and try to pull things out. This didn’t even need to be haunted to be scary.

The doorbell rings while everyone is Feely Meely-ing. Mary Ellen is actually a little scared to open the door based on earlier events, but you ordered pizza. This is how you get it. Actually, it’s just Bob. He came over to say hi as awkwardly as possible and get interrupted by the absolutely blasted pizza guy. This man even sampled the pizza on the way. This is what happens when you get the munchies. Mary Ellen takes the pizza, shutting both boys outside. The pizza guy, in his infinite wisdom, urges Bob to woo Mary Ellen.

Judy is watching TV with her pizza, but someone keeps stealing the remote. I thought the entire box of pizza was missing for a second. Like Annabelle was starving from all that time locked up. Actually, she just wanted to catch up on current events. Judy finds the remote and the Annabelle. Before she can panic too much, Mary Ellen and Daniela come in singing Happy Birthday with the horribly burnt cake. It culminates with Judy inviting Daniela to her party, since the kids at school have all said no because of what her parents do. Poor kid.

Then we hear something odd. It’s freaking Bob playing guitar and singing outside the window for Mary Ellen. It’s adorable. Before Mary Ellen can get downstairs to say hello to him, he gets chased off by a werewolf. Bye Bob!

Daniela says goodbye, and just as she leaves, realizes she still has Ed’s keys. She sneaks back in to return them, but as she passes the artifact room, every lock opens and the door swings open. I don’t know why she falls for this obvious trap, but she does. Mary Ellen tells Judy that Daniela was driving when her dad died in a car accident and while it wasn’t her fault, she can’t stop blaming herself. So maybe guilt is clouding her senses.

Things in the room are not the same as before. Notably, Annabelle is missing. Daniela finds a mourner’s bracelet which is supposed to help you talk to the dead. But see, it’s in this room, which I imagine means it does not work as intended. Daniela puts it on and calls her dad. He shows up, but his face is a mess and he screams at her for killing him. See, not a good party trick. Oh, and Daniela is locked in this room. Snakes hiss at her and there’s this TV that seems to show what is about to happen.

Bob apparently did die! He found his way to the chicken coop and is hiding with the chickens. One wanders out, and he tries to save her, but she is eaten. Off-camera. Thankfully.

Mary Ellen is cleaning up when a ghost cat, I guess, knocks a glass off the table. While dealing with that, the music turns on by itself. Things are getting a bit spooky, so she checks on Judy, who is fine. She’s snuggling with Annabelle, but otherwise unharmed. I guess Mary Ellen doesn’t know about Annabelle because she just tucks them both in.

Mary Ellen tries to study, but one of Ed’s tapes turns on talking about the Ferryman and his coins. The tape gets messed up, saying over and over, ‘If you don’t pay his toll, he’ll take your soul.’ He loves those eye coins. The lights pop off, but at least there’s a flashlight nearby. And some dead dudes with coin eyes. Only we see them for now. Coins start dropping and Mary Ellen follows them upstairs. More coin people around every corner. It’s like Where’s Waldo. Mary Ellen sees coin eyes floating ahead, but when she shines the flashlight on them, they drop to the floor.

For myself, this is plenty of spookiness to grab the kid and make for the nearest well lit, heavily populated area. Mary Ellen is picking up coins left and right. I do not want your eye coins. She picks up this big one and inspects it like some diamond. When it reaches eye level, it makes the Ferryman! He drags her into the laundry room, which is now the underworld. She gets free, only now deciding to get Judy.

Judy is busy getting attacked by the Annabelle demon. Who really is something of a showman. The doll used Judy’s color changing nightlight to cycle through all her favorite forms, doll, child, adult, and finally demon. It’s a pretty good scene. Annabelle brings the drama.

Thankfully, Mary Ellen arrives to open the door before something terrible happens. But actually, I don’t know what this demon does, given enough time. Kills you? Maybe? Did it kill the older couple in the 2nd one? I guess. No one else, though. They try to call Lorraine, but it’s just Annabelle doing an impression and telling them she wants a soul. See, does she get a soul if she kills you? I feel like the first movie indicated she needs you to do that yourself. Or am I overthinking this? The mythology around this doll leaves something to be desired.

Daniela is still trapped. The TV lets us know a phone is gonna ring and then she is gonna get real messed up. It rings, but before she can answer it, Judy and Mary Ellen break through the door. How did they know she was in there? Did Judy’s psychic power just boot up? The objects in the room go absolutely apeshit. Seems this is all Annabelle’s doing. They need to get her back in that cage. For now, they settle for getting themselves out of the artifact room.

Unfortunately, the moment the escape Mary Ellen drops to the floor wheezing. And her inhaler is in the car. I’d love to admonish her for not having it handy, but mine is ALWAYS in the car. We both should be more responsible. Judy rushes to the car. Daniela stays behind and gets attacked by Bridezilla and her haunted dress. The Bride leaps on her and no, please no. Yes. She THROWS UP IN HER MOUTH. I wish they wouldn’t. I guess Daniela is possessed now. And engaged.

Judy, predictably, is attacked by that werewolf, but in comes Bob to the rescue. He smashes it out of existence with his guitar. The guitar is ruined, but a small price to pay for vanquishing evil! Expect the werewolf pops back in to being about 3 seconds later. Judy gets in the house and Bob runs off, most likely back to his new chicken themed home.

Daniela calls out to the girls, but Judy is on to her. She knows that is a demon. The ghost priest from Judy’s school shows up, beckoning her to follow him. Taking the risk, she does. Turns out he was showing them where Annabelle was hiding. That was very helpful, actually. A little representation for the friendly ghosts.

The demon isn’t giving his doll back easily. He sucks it through the closet that he just turned into the underworld again. He even stacked a bunch of coin eyed people up against the walls. Judy has to walk past all these people to get to the doll. And it is crowded in here. She finds the doll clutched in the hands of her doppelgänger. Then has to fight herself for the thing. Meanwhile, I can see those coin eye people behind her even if she doesn’t.

Before they can get out of the room, Daniela makes her appearance. Now wearing the wedding dress and brandishing a knife. She is ready for matrimony and murder. They pop on an old tape of Ed exorcizing someone and let it do the work of saving Daniela for them. Have the Warrens considered selling DIY kits? This would save a lot of hassle.

A bunch of things very ineffectively attack them as they try to return Annabelle to her cage. Only the demon really puts up a fight. I’m reminded why they should not show us these demons for long on screen. He looks like he wanted to be in Alien vs. Predator but couldn’t decide which team to join. Judy stops him with her personal crucifix. She holds him and all the artifacts back while Mary Ellen tries, and fails, to shut Annabelle’s cage. Daniela runs in, and with her help, they close and lock the cage. And now Bob shows up. He’s lucky he didn’t get stabbed with that crucifix.

They all sleep on the couch together. Before he’s pushed out the door, Bob asks Mary Ellen to homecoming and she says yes. He leans in for a kiss but she does not even notice. Sorry Bob.

The girls tell the Warrens everything. I guess they weren’t that mad because we didn’t see any of it.

A few days later, it’s Judy’s birthday party. It’s sad because only her mom and dad are there. None of those kids said they could come. The doorbell rings and Mary Ellen, Bob, and Daniela show up. That’s excellent babysitter work right there. Not so much bringing a friend who unleashes a demon, but she cares. Judy is stunned when her classmates show up. What could have prompted this change of heart? Daniela is the older brother of one of her bullies and that girl set him straight. This party is saved.

Lorraine takes Daniela aside. She talked to her father, who loves and misses her and never blamed her for the accident. Aww.

This one wasn’t scary. A few jumps here and there, but it felt like a catalog of potential spin offs. None so far. I’d be into learning about the phone call that kills you. Or the TV thing. But mostly, what’s up with that stuffed dog?

See you guys next week for The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It.