My oldest and I made the always terrible mistake of killing time by wandering the halls of a Target. Options were limited, and we needed some cleaning supplies. Instead of being responsible, grabbing what we needed and rushing out of there like we were fleeing our certain death, we decided to ‘just look around.’ We avoided the book section – good for us, but meandered into the pet supplies – like fools.
There were many things that caught my eye, a display of summer camping themed Bark Box toys for the puppies, a cute swimming pool all the animals except Harold, our turtle, would hate, even a set of tie dye tennis balls. I resisted… Until, my daughter came over with a biscuit bakery cat scratcher.
My god she could make biscuits in an official business! Just a note about how Waffles makes biscuits. Instead of the normal kneading motion I see all the TikTok cats doing, Waffles mostly pushes her claws in and out. There’s some kneading, but it’s mostly stabbery. I don’t recommend her biscuits. She purrs and is so content making them none of us ever stop her. Maybe the shop would help her hone her skills! I gave in like a sucker. At least she is due for a fresh scratcher.
We took it home and got it put together. Slowly. With much gnashing of teeth. Turns out they aren’t that easy to put together. Especially since every animal in the vicinity was ‘helping.’ Gus was licking our faces, Jules was barking at the box like it was an axe wielding maniac, and Waffles was observing from her cat tree. Very judgementally. This was all very helpful.
This particular scratcher didn’t come with any catnip. Which is bull. You have to bait them a bit to get the cats to trust them. I think. Actually, I’ve never been sure why it always comes with catnip. Waffles has some catnip toys, but we don’t usually just toss drugs at her. We are responsible pet owners. And it just never occurred to me. We had some old baggies lying around from previous scratcher purchases, so I grabbed one of those.
Now, here is where mistakes may have been made. This is my first cat. My dogs don’t do drugs. At least not in front of me. I sprinkled the nip rather generously inside the bakery. Waffles was intrigued. She waltzed in, sniffing around. Then just kind of rolled in the drugs. Covered herself in the stuff. Within seconds, she looked like she’d been frolicking in a forest of those cleaver bushes that leave little sticky things all over you. (She’d never. She hates the outdoors, passionately.)
I sat down to read and my daughter, technically this is her cat, went outside to practice dance things. Or whatever teens do these days. Run on elderly people’s lawns. Apparently cats are supposed to be supervised while they do drugs. People should be too. Otherwise they’ll like, cut off an arm. I assume everyone who does drugs tries to do this. I’m not sure what to look for in a cat, so I just figured as long as she wasn’t sawing off her paw or screaming about the demons in the walls, we were good. She was lying sprawled out on her back, looking as chill as possible. Seems ideal, really.
- ALL-PURPOSE CAT HOUSE: Play, exercise, sleep, scratch all in one, a versatile and inclusive shelter that meets the diverse needs of cats.
- MAXIMUM CAT COMFORT: Offering cat a cozy heaven, cats love to play in cardboard boxes, and you won't find a cardboard box more fun than this one.
- SPACIOUS ROOM: This cat house has spacious room, and the wider entrance design makes your cat get in and out whatever they want.
- EASY TO ASSEMBLE: Coming with flat-packing package, fun for cat owners to build up their cats' own house.
- A SMALL BUSINESS FOR CATS, A PERFECT HOME DÉCOR FOR CAT OWNERS: Pretend your cat works in a fancy Izakaya Bar, make money to pay their own 'bill'.
Hours later, she was more or less still in the same position. We decided that, perhaps, she’d had enough and tried to coax her out. Waffles was blasted. She could see the future and probably the secrets of the universe, and I can only assume that it wasn’t great because she had no motivation to experience life. She got a little cranky when removed from the weed house, a sure sign you have a problem, so her mom put it up on a shelf.
I came by later to see her looking longingly at her house. If she had those talking button things, she’d have been screaming for drugs.
I don’t know if the moral of all this is don’t let your cats do drugs or give your cat drugs and they will be so freaking happy about it. You decide.
Donna is an author and engineer with 15 years of IT experience and a lifetime love of literature and cinema, especially horror. She has written a paranormal Holiday novel, What Creatures Are Stirring. She holds and Electrical Engineering Degree from the University of Pittsburgh and an MBA from Western Governor’s University. Donna is passionate about reading and the importance of access to books. She loves writing about her favorite books and movies and sharing it with her readers.
Discover more from Stressy Lemon
Subscribe to get the latest posts sent to your email.
