The Universe is Unhinged With Its Bad Luck Distribution

Remember that dumpster fire of a time I’ve been having? All that bad luck trapped in such a short period it was almost comical…almost. I was begging for just a small amount of bland, tasteless life for a few weeks. I can only imagine that the moment I hit post, the powers that be laughed at my hubris and began planning the next spicy event to keep my sanity low and my anxiety high.

A mere two days after the bus incident, life was returning to its usual level of chaos. Work, school, a myriad of activities that I’m not entirely sure I agreed to, but somehow appear on my calendar. One of those, a parent-teacher meeting, is where our story is about to rise on the Scoville scale. The meeting was fine. I was awkward, as usual, and very distracted by the teacher’s incredible ghosts reading books earrings. (Side note: Yes, I asked where she got them. No, she doesn’t know. If I find out, obviously I will share.) Kevin attempted to show that our family was normal by not questioning how to copy her fashion.

It wasn’t until we were on our way home that things got interesting. See, we live in a tiny town. Not a lot of traffic, everyone lives pretty close, and inevitably traffic gets a little confusing on all the tiny streets. As we drove down the main street, past one of the intersections that doesn’t have a four-way stop, one car at a stop sign didn’t see us or didn’t realize we didn’t have a stop sign and hit us in the back passenger side wheel of our van. The van door doesn’t open, but it still drives, and no one was hurt, so all in all, the best-case scenario.

But seriously? I was being a passenger princess, so I jumped into a hyper “death is nigh” mode and held on to…everything. The door, the handle, the underside of the front console, my seatbelt. None of this would likely have helped if it had been a serious accident, but it is nice to know that my survival instincts are a little bit intact. Then, when I was fine, I had a panic attack. I remember that you’re supposed to call 911 for accidents so while Kevin was out talking to the person who hit us I called, apologized profusely for bothering them with a non-life threatening issue, asked if it was okay if they came out to document the scene, said like 5 times I understood if they were busy with more important issues, all the while the 911 operator just asked for my information and said he would send someone out, but I am clearly not good at this. I imagine I would have about the same conversation if I’d been stabbed. Please don’t worry if it’s a bother. I’m a quick clotter. Also, I don’t want to give out someone’s name without asking permission, but the Officer’s name was the equivalent of Dr. Surgeon and it was magical. Thank you, sir, for your service.

I am not going to ask our universe for mercy this time. Clearly, it enjoys this too much.