The Conjuring: The Start of A Cinematic Universe

The Conjuring released in 2013. It tells the story of the Perron Family and their experience with inhuman spirits inhabiting their new home. It would be the movie that launched a, so far, 10 movie universe. Horror movies are no stranger to excessive sequels. While Friday the 13th is a masterpiece of tension and subverted expectations, 12 movies later, the franchise has lost all of its spark. They subjected Freddy and Michael to the same treatment. While Scream was initially a tight trilogy, they just couldn’t resist the temptation to keep making more. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen them all, but we can’t pretend they’re all good.

What makes the Conjuring a little different is that each case is new. There’s usually some new threat, although Annabelle comes up quite a bit, and each movie is standalone. Sure, there are lots of Easter eggs for fans and lore that you’ll miss if you only watch one, but you don’t need it. Some of them don’t even have our main stars, the Warrens, in them.

Let’s take a look at the one that started it all. The Conjuring.

The Conjuring is not about Annabelle. But it starts with her story. We see the spookiest looking doll ever made. One that makes you wonder who would buy something like this for a child? And the answer is no one. This is movie magic Annabelle, giving unrealistic standards to haunted dolls everywhere. The IRL Annabelle is an unassuming Raggedy Ann doll. We use this one either because it’s scarier or because the Raggedy Ann company was not on board with claiming they made demonic dolls.

Two nurses and a random dude who looks like he walked into the wrong room and doesn’t know how to leave are sitting on a couch opposite the Warrens (Vera Farmiga, Patrick Wilson). One of the nurses explains that the spirit of a child liked the doll and asked if she could possess it. And the girls, thinking they were being kind, said go for it. But then things got very demon-y around the house. They come home to find the doll wrote in red crayon all over the walls. And left notes saying, ‘Miss me?’

Deciding the doll was a problem, they throw her out in the trash. If I’ve learned anything from movies, it’s that throwing out demons doesn’t work. You need to salt and burn that. In the middle of the night, the nurses hear a pounding on the door, but no one is there. Only a little note from Annie. The pounding switches to an inside door and while we don’t see what’s behind it, I’m guessing it’s the doll. She teleported herself back inside.

Now the Warrens get real judgey about how the nurses handled the little spirit girl…who was actually a demon. But how would these girls have known? They are not demon hunter people. They explain that ghosts don’t possess, demons do. And that demons don’t possess things, but only people. So when the nurses told the girl she could possess the doll, they more or less invited a demon to move in. I hope he pays rent.

We pan out to see the Warrens are showing this as a video in a lecture hall where they’re giving a presentation about possession; I guess. Everyone wants to know where the doll is, but they won’t say. We already know they keep all the demons at home.

Cue the crawl that tells us how super real all of this is. Do with that what you will.

It’s 1971 and we are rolling up to a new home in all the 70s glory with a wood paneled station wagon, moving van, and absolute gaggle of children bursting forth from the vehicle. The eldest teen, Andrea (Shanley Caswell) is not happy about the move. Classic stuff. The dog Sadie (WARNING, it is not going to go well for Sadie) refuses to go inside. Instead of trying to figure out what has the dog upset, like I don’t know a gas leak, or racoons, or demons, they just leave her outside.

Later that evening, while the house is full of half unpacked boxes strewn about, the girls play a game called hide and clap. It’s like hide and seek except the seeker is blindfolded and the hiders clap 3 times to help her find them. This is a dangerous game at the best of times. In a new house full of random boxes, this is a death wish. I would 100% fall down the stairs if I tried to play this. Instead of just tagging her sister when she finds her Christine (Joey King) WWE tackles her. They break the wall behind them and expose stairs to the basement.

The dad, Rodger (Ron Livingston) is like wow, surprise basement. Because he and mom, Carolyn (Lili Taylor) did not know it was there. Where did they think all the houses’ large appliances were hiding? That they didn’t know about the basement will never make any sense to me. They were just like cool, magic hot water. Anyway, it is full of a bunch of old junk that they’re going to need the 70s version of eBay to get rid of. And a large dumpster.

So the dog has still refused to come into the house. The solution is apparently to just leave the poor thing outside all night. What is happening here? My dogs are probably spoiled, but they are not spending the night outside in an unfamiliar location. What if there are like snakes or wolves!?

The next morning, Carolyn wakes up with mysterious bruises. This is just day two. This witch is quick. And we go downstairs to find little April (Kayla Deaver) searching for her dog. They are not going to let this tiny little child…yet April finds the dog dead. They even show it on screen. Not needed conjuring. Not. Needed. At least give us a warning about the animal deaths in the crawler.

The Ed Warren is showing a reporter around his haunted artifacts room. You know, that he keeps in his home. The reporter is especially excited to see Annabelle. There’s movement behind them and Ed finds his daughter Judy (Sterling Jerins) sneaking into the room. He reminds her that she isn’t allowed to play in there. Even though it is basically 75% toys. She runs back to her mom, where we get just a little info about how hard psychic work is on Lorraine. She had a tough case that messed her up. Hanging out with demons as much as they do is bound to reduce your life expectancy.

The Perron kids are all settled down for the night and for reasons that will never be explained in this movie or any other, demons are pulling on their feet. And possibly farting on them. Rodger is downstairs watching the static on the TV when he hears a door open on it’s own. He’s checking it out but gets startled by Andrea. Cindy (Mackenzie Foy) is sleepwalking in her room. She’s banging her head against the wardrobe. Now, to the uninitiated, this might seem weird. But I had a brother who was a sleepwalker, and this isn’t even close to the weirdest thing he ever did. He’s lucky I didn’t think he was possessed.

Everyone’s out of the house for the day, except Carolyn and April. April’s pumped because she has already made a new friend, Rory. She can see him in the mirror of a music box she clearly found somewhere around the house. It has a horrible clown that bobs up and down while the music plays. Carolyn tries but doesn’t see her friend. That she expected to is odd. Either way, clowns are inherently evil, so maybe burn that just in case.

April wants to play hide and clap with her mom. April hides and Carolyn starts to walk around, asking for claps. She heads into Andrea’s room and hears the wardrobe doors creak open. Thinking she’s got April, she asks for the last clap. Hands reach out and clap. Carolyn goes to tag April but finds the wardrobe empty. Freaking out, she pulls off her blindfold. April walks in and tells her she wasn’t even close! She was in the other bedroom. More things to add to the burn pile.

Christine is woken up that night by more leg pulling antics. Thinking it’s her sister, she is pretty upset to wake up and see Nancy (Hayley McFarland) asleep. She gingerly looks under the bed, finding nothing. Then the door starts to shut on its own and Christine freaks out. Nancy’s awake now, wondering why her sister is screaming in the middle of the night. Christine sees someone behind the door but Nancy does not. In fact, she goes and stands there to show her it’s all fine. But the door slams shut on its own.

Now the parents run in wondering what all the night time drama is about. No one sees anything but Christine. She’s like that ghost told me it wants us all dead. I feel like we need to be more worried about her. But nope, dad has to head out to do his long haul trucking job and he will be back in a week.

Carolyn has way more bruises than before, and it looks like the doctor has given her some iron pills. I don’t think that’s the problem, but no one suspects demons out of the gate. She hears clapping and, like many parents is instantly irritated that the kids are up late. But when she looks for the culprit, all the girls are sleeping. She’s pondering what is going on when every single photo on the stairs crashes to the ground. These people have 5 daughters, so it’s a lot of photos. All the kids sleep through this somehow.

She hears a clap from downstairs and sees the basement door open on its own. She goes in to the basement. Mistakes are being made. The door slams shut throwing her to the floor and the lights shatter. Now she is really going to be covered in bruises. She lights a very insufficient match looking for what is down there. A little ghost boy asks if she wants to play hide and clap. She screams and furiously tries to open the door.

Upstairs, Cindy is back to sleepwalk-banging her head into Andrea’s wardrobe. And no one hears mom being attacked, but sure. Andrea gently walks Cindy to her bed. She’s tucking her in when the wardrobe door opens and shuts on its own. Should have gotten rid of it when you found ghost kids in there. Andrea walks over to check it out. She opens it and finds nothing, but Cindy has sat up and sees a demon lady witch on top of the wardrobe. It jumps down and attacks Andrea.

It’s at this moment the poor Rodger returns home. To a house full of terrified, screaming people. He saves his wife and then they run up to save the girls. The demon thing is gone before they get there. He keeps asking for someone to tell him what is going on, but they are both too traumatized and too confused to answer. Maybe start by getting rid of that wardrobe that the previous owner didn’t bother to take with them?

The Warrens are doing another one of their lectures, and Carolyn is in attendance. She approaches them after asking that they come investigate her house. They reluctantly agree. I mean there are like 5 kids involved, so they don’t want to leave them unprotected. The moment they walk in the door, Lorraine looks spooked. Her poker face is distinctly lacking. Carolyn and Rodger show them around the house, focusing specially on that wardrobe that should really be gone by now, and the basement full of evil. Lorraine feels the evil in the basement, noting that something bad happened there.

The adults sit down for the interview portion of this paranormal investigation in the kitchen. With Ed taking the lead as questioner. April shows Lorraine her special music box, and she is able to see Rory in the mirror. I guess you need to be psychic or a child to see the old timey ghosts. Or both. This is a lot for Lorraine, so she takes a breather outside, under the world’s scariest tree. This thing is a paid actor. Ed finds her there. She tells him things are very bad in this house. Then turns around to see someone hung from the tree right above his head. It’s not really relevant, but she is wearing the most ruffles on her collar in this scene and as she turns like half her face is covered in fluff.

The Warrens prescribe an exorcism for the house. Now things may be a hot mess, but they are still going to need to prove that to the church before they help anyone here. So try to stay alive in the meantime. Also, these things usually go super bad. Maybe get those kids baptized right quick. The Warrens are not who I’d want comforting me in times of crisis.

We have reached the research portion of the horror movie. An absolute requirement that I probably complain too much about considering I like getting all the info. Lorraine found out that this Bathsheba witch sacrificed her child and cursed the land as she hung herself from that spooky tree. They mention that Bathsheba was related to someone hung during the Salem witch trials, but those were innocent women, Lorraine. Don’t act like they were evil witches. Anyway, after Bathsheba died, some lady’s son disappeared and then she hung herself. Then the whole farm was subdivided and sold off and more people died like a maid. Ed says it’s people who took Bathsheba’s land, but that kid didn’t own the land and neither did that maid. No, Ed. She likes to possess moms and make them kill kids. Not sure what was up with the maid.

The full Warren squad rolls up to the house with the finest ghost hunting equipment 1971 has to offer. Which isn’t super different from today, but with far, far more wires. They record each room and set up cameras and bells everywhere. They have a cop assigned to join them, which is a thing you could do in the 70s, I guess. I assume that they would laugh at you if you requested this today. They also bring their assistant Drew (Shannon Kook).

They film themselves heading to the basement to ask the presence to speak to them. It’s not feeling chatty but Lorraine looks like she’s about to throw up. I guess that’s how she knows things are going on. The feeling passes and they head back upstairs. The door slams shut behind them. Hopefully, they got that on tape.

The next morning, Carolyn tells Lorraine that everyone feels so much safer with them around. They are intentionally provoking the evil, but the mood does seem lighter. Rodger takes all the girls for ice cream so Carolyn can rest a bit. She has 5 kids and a house full of ghosts, she probably does need a nap. Lorraine goes outside and does some laundry. Ed joins her and they get a little romantic because there’s nothing like chores and evil to get these two going.

The wind kicks up. (Ha! It isn’t just a Final Destination thing!) A sheet blows off the line and onto an invisible figure. It flies up into Carolyn’s room where we see it standing in the window. Bruises appear on Carolyn as she wakes up screaming. Bathsheba hovering over her and puking into her mouth. They could have picked any way to show demon possession, yet this is what they went with. Lorraine reaches the room panicked, but Carolyn says she’s all good.

Rodger gets home to find Ed fixing up his old car. The Warrens really are full service demonologists. He thanks Ed for helping them out. Back at the house, the cop sees the wind chimes blowing and the rocking chair going on its own. But they’re outside and it’s probably windy? He goes to check it out anyway and nothing’s there. When he comes back inside, a ghostly maid is there screaming, ‘Look what she made me do!’ Showing off her fatal injuries. We turn to see the cameras going off as Cindy sleepwalks by. Back into Andrea’s bedroom. No one bothers to follow her too closely and she ends up shut into the room. No one can get in.

They use the microphones they set up to hear her talking to someone. Perfect. By the time they get inside, she’s disappeared. They look for way too long before finding her hiding behind a false wall in the wardrobe. Lorraine goes in. The super fun hiding space is complete with toys and a noose! As she turns to walk out, she falls through the floor, down to the basement. Ed searches for her everywhere but on the bottom floor. Where do you think she landed, Ed?

Lorraine sees the mother who killed Rory. She tells her the witch made her do it. Bathsheba appears, hanging from the ceiling and heading toward Lorraine. She runs, but not before the witch grabs her locket with a picture of her daughter Judy in it. Upstairs, all the religious items are crashing to the floor. Nancy is dragged around the room by her hair. Thankfully, they caught all of this on camera and can officially ask for an exorcism.

Everyone leaves the house while the Warrens go to the church. Good choice. Carolyn continues to behave oddly, but no one suspects her yet. I suppose we are going to chalk that up to trauma. Which makes sense.

The Warrens show a priest the footage. It’s compelling. Some of the worst he’s seen, but those kids aren’t baptized, so it is going to complicate the approval process. Literally how? Just save them. Sheesh. The priest promises to personally ask the Vatican for approval and the Warrens leave to wait for the answer. No rush, I guess.

For reasons that no one could ever satisfactorily explain to me, Rodger left Lorraine alone with the kids. When he gets back to the hotel, she has left, taking Christine and April back to the house with her. Because of course she did. Now the remaining kids are left, so he and Drew can rush back to the house and hope that Carolyn hasn’t taken care of things already.

Everyone, including the Warrens, the cop, and Drew and Rodger, arrive at the house just in time to find Carolyn trying to stab Christine. April slinks away to hide. The group takes Carolyn down and goes ahead with the exorcism without permission or a priest. Why didn’t we just handle this before if it was an option? She lashes out and bites the cop. So they wrap her up in a sheet and ropes, tying her to a chair.

Drew puts Christine into a car and heads back inside to find April. She’s in the secret hideout from before, dude. He will not realize this. Meanwhile the exorcism is going fine. Until they sprinkle a little holy water and Carolyn freaks out. Birds attack and Ed pauses. KEEP GOING. Don’t let the birds distract you. Carolyn throws up blood and tears the sheet. The face peaking through is none other than BATHSHEBA! Who would have expected? Ed stops again. He needs to stop reacting to the demon and just keep reading.

Drew finally finds April and starts breaking her out of the floor. He shouts her location and Carolyn, who freed herself from her bonds using a super helpful hovering trick, rushes to her. She uses the secret way. She’s about to stab her, but they proceed with the exorcism from a distance and it mostly works. I think her motherly love is involved, too. She throws the demon back up. April is going to need so much therapy, though.

Hopeful music plays as the Perrons fall into a pile of love and hugs. So I guess they just live there now. And it’s all good. And no one had PTSD.

The Warrens get home to find out the exorcism was approved. Great timing guys.

But don’t worry, the Perrons might have made it out alive. Except the poor dog. But there are more cases to discover. And way too much Annabelle to see. Check out the Annabelle review here.