The Absolute Dumpster Fire That Has Been My Life

The last few weeks have been nothing short of some terrible Shakespearean tragedy or, depending on the readers’ viewpoint, perhaps comedy because only in a story would so much insanity happen back to back. I don’t even know if I believe it.

Let me take you back to the more innocent time of 2 weeks ago. Everyone in my household, and I do mean all 5 of us, were finally recovering from strep throat, pneumonia, and a stomachache illness that had taken us each out one at a time. To the innocent eye, it felt like life was headed back to normal. But no. It wasn’t to be. I was lulled into a false sense of safety.

1st, my 94-year-old grandmother was rushed to the hospital, and at her age and condition, we all knew it wasn’t going to be anything good. She was in pretty good spirits when I went to visit, and I’m thankful we had that moment. It was evident that our time together would be ending soon. 

In the week that followed, each of my kids caught a cold and mild fever. They each missed a day of school, and I tested them for COVID-19, but they were negative. Fresh off of pneumonia, I figured they must have just caught a bug from already being a little weak. I’m still coughing a fair bit, especially if I laugh. Which is kind of hilarious in and of itself, so vicious cycle.

Eventually, we got the news we all knew was coming, but is never easy. Nana, as we all called her, passed. A very religious woman, I hope heaven is everything she imagined, and that she is reunited with her husband, who passed away a few years ago. I took a moment to myself…in Target because that’s where I was (I’m sorry to the employee who saw me get teary over a pair of heels. I swear it wasn’t the shoes.) And then went to tell my kids.

R my middle child had a strange redness on his cheek. When I hugged him, I saw it was on both cheeks. Then I picked up his shirt and saw it was all over his back. Now, I may not have been in the best state of mind, but this incited a panic. Kevin didn’t feel like he needed to go to the ER at 9 pm the evening my Nana died because of a rash, but I did. Kevin is often the voice of reason in my panic, but my panic finds him unreasonable and tends to ignore him. So I rushed R to the ER where he was chill as hell because that’s who he is and I cried while they ran a strep test…again. I’m sure the nurses were wondering who the crazy chick in room 9 was and why strep tests made her cry. But um…yes, he had strep again and it had progressed to scarlet fever because it was 1894 in our house, but thankfully we caught it early. God.

Now it’s Thursday and R is home playing video games all day as he is contagious but fine, so I offer to pick up lunch because, as usual, I’m not up for cooking and I want some comfort food, Moes. (If you haven’t had it yet, what are you waiting for? The queso is practically drinkable.) I called my mom to check on funeral plans, and OH, MY GOD, THEY HAVE A GAS LEAK! Absolutely not. This isn’t real. My Moes sits sadly on the pickup shelf while I head to the top of my parents’ road to save them from possibly blowing upness…exploding…gas poisoning? They did not agree to leave, but thankfully, the gas company found the issue, and they just have no heat or AC for now. My son complained that his food wasn’t fresh when I got home hours later. I told him he knew how to use a microwave.

We spent the weekend seeing family, reminiscing, and celebrating Nana’s life. By Monday night, we were wiped, all wanted to sleep, and as a family of mostly, D looking at you and your weird friendliness, introverts spend some time alone. I sent a bunch of emails to schools and teachers to get makeup work and clocked out early.

Then, I wake up and send the kidlets off to school, including R, who is now complaining of a tummy ache. But like he ate so many cookies while unsupervised in the family room at the funeral home and is taking antibiotics, so he’ll be fine. Right? RIGHT?

He threw up on the bus and didn’t even go to his first class. Gold star mom moment for me. Here’s to a non-eventful week and Nana!