Between watching our studios dances and chaotic renditions of The Wobble as a hundred dancers waited for adjudications to begin, I finished TikTok influencer Penny Hawkins Smith‘s (@HospiceNursePenny) book Influencing Death. When the book arrived, I was expecting something akin to Mary Roach’s Stiff or Spook, but obviously the before death portion. Mostly informative, but light? Maybe with a dash of humor? Instead, this is more like a memoir. Think, The Smoke Gets In Your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty.
Yes, I’ve read a lot of death adjacent books. They’ve all been good so far. Thus, my morbid book collection continues to grow.
Influencing Death was nothing like I expected. It was informative, insightful, and at times had me on the brink of tears. (Sitting on the floor of some random convention center while hundreds of children twirled around me. Chairs were non-existent, and my millennial knees screamed they were too old for this nonsense.) But like, holy crap. Hospice isn’t the place for platitudes or bullshit. I appreciated Penny’s straightforward approach. Honest but not brutal. Something I’d want both as a loved one and as a patient.
She shares her own story interspersed with the stories of those she’s cared for throughout the years, saying that hospice nursing is one way she’s helped atone for mistakes she’s made in the past. Penny chafes at being referred to as an angel, but I’d say that all nurses and perhaps especially hospice nurses are really banking up some good karma. Each anecdote gives the reader insight into how to care for the dying with respect and often includes helpful information about the dying process.
Books like this aren’t for everyone. Death is inevitable but terrifying. It’s unpredictable, but something we long to prepare for. In the last few years, I’ve watched two of my own grandparents die. I found great comfort in understanding the process of dying. Knowing that while they didn’t drink or eat much, they didn’t want to and weren’t uncomfortable because of it. (I read Being Mortal and found it immensely helpful) Influencing Death has a lot of information told through stories that loved ones might find both helpful and comforting, as does Penny’s TikTok page. I’d recommend both. Not to those with loved ones in hospice, but to everyone. Someday, we will all be in the position of loved one and finally of dying ourselves. It feels overwhelming and frightening, and it is. A little information can brighten the dark corners and relieve just a bit of anxiety.
Grab Influencing Death and make sure to follow Penny on TikTok @HospiceNursePenny
Donna is an author and engineer with 15 years of IT experience and a lifetime love of literature and cinema, especially horror. She has written a paranormal Holiday novel, What Creatures Are Stirring. She holds and Electrical Engineering Degree from the University of Pittsburgh and an MBA from Western Governor’s University. Donna is passionate about reading and the importance of access to books. She loves writing about her favorite books and movies and sharing it with her readers.
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