How TikTok Bullied Me on My Birthday

Last weekend was my 38th birthday. Holy shit. I’m older than most TV moms. My crypt-keeping days are right around the corner, but mostly, my age doesn’t bother me. I’ve chosen to take the cheap and lazy method of aging, wherein my anti-aging routine consists only of sunscreen and an indoor lifestyle. The forehead wrinkles I’ve acquired are well deserved and come from a lifetime of facial expressions that don’t know when to shut up.

TikTok, however, clearly knows how old I am. I probably told it at some point, and it is tracking my every move, anyway. I’d be surprised if it didn’t know my blood type by now. Apparently, it has different feelings about aging. In that one should not do that. It’s kind of like when my beloved grandmother tells me getting old sucks and I shouldn’t do it. What is the alternative? Like, ah shit, I feel a twinge of the arthritis, better hit up an active volcano. Too many wrinkles, time to wear a mask like the Phantom of the Opera.

So TikTok served me up a weekend full of anti-aging products and this odd trend where women in their 30s put on the old filter claiming that this is what people expect us to look like, then they take it off showing what they really look like. The women all look fantastic, but so do most women I know in their 30s and 40s. Filters will be the downfall of society. But…

Listen. I looked up the filter. I don’t recommend this. When you open the photo section on the app, it gives suggested filters, and the first one gave me glowy skin and no skin texture. Model perfect. It even fixed some breakaways in my hair. I don’t need to see this nonsense. I have adult acne! And pale skin that doesn’t match any foundation! Plus, my skin is stupidly dry all the time. I’m like a cloudy-day lizard.

I had to search for the aged filter but bravely dove into the world of AI aging. HOLY. FREAKING. JUMPSCARE! I thought it would age me like 10 years. It was like, hold my beer, bitches. I think I’m 104 in this photo. It went for the jugular with a shiv. What kind of monster made this? And why does TikTok love it so much? Both the app and the community, of course.

Fellow 30 – to 40-year-olds, we do not need this in our lives. Not the scary cautionary filters, not the 30 step anti aging plans inevitably promoted by someone 24 with skin as smooth as a baby’s ass. Unless that’s relaxing to you because I’m all about self-care. We need sunscreen, and water (maybe less diet coke…), and 5 minutes of quiet every day. Maybe we need to look at some grass. I will not touch it. That’s where the ticks are, and I don’t want Lyme disease. The kids can touch grass; they have better immune systems.

So here’s to us. We’ve been through a lot in our years. And I sure as shit will not be letting TikTok scare me. This time.

If you want to get scared, find out what happens in Final Destination.

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Donna

Donna is an author and engineer with 15 years of IT experience and a lifetime love of literature and cinema, especially horror. She has written a paranormal Holiday novel, What Creatures Are Stirring. She holds and Electrical Engineering Degree from the University of Pittsburgh and an MBA from Western Governor’s University. Donna is passionate about reading and the importance of access to books. She loves writing about her favorite books and movies and sharing it with her readers.