Final Destination 2 OR How Log Trucks Traumatized a Generation

Sometimes you come across the rare sequel that doesn’t completely suck. I mean they usually do. Final Destination 2 is actually a pretty good successor. Some might even say better than the first. I’ll give them that the opening disaster scene in this one is epic. I will ride on an airplane. I will go on a rollercoaster. I drive across bridges. (I don’t go to NASCAR events, but that’s not really fear based.) I WILL NOT, under any circumstances, drive behind a log truck. They are harbingers of death, and I cannot be convinced otherwise. So… good job? Like if you were going for inflicting a lifetime of terror on your audience you fully nailed it Final Destination 2. Check out the Final Destination 1 recap here.

Spoilers for days ahead, so if you haven’t, check out Final Destination 2. Or really, just go watch that opening crash scene. It’s life-changing.

FD2 opens, once again in our main character Kimberly’s (A.J. Cook) bedroom. She loves a good weird as hell decoration, much like Alex from the first movie. Kind of an odd through line, but here we are. She’s sleeping, but the TV is playing an interview with some dude who is way too into the Flight 180 crash from the first movie. He is all about how death comes after people, but VERY against anyone saying it’s a supernatural thing. It’s death itself. We all know that’s a very grounded take. Nothing mystical here. Anyway, Kimberly wakes up in time to hear him tell us death is everywhere. I don’t know if that’s a super insightful take. A shit ton of people die every day.

Turns out Kim and her friends are headed out for a little vacation. Death loves nothing more than to jack up your holiday plans. She’s getting the car ready when her best friend, Shaina (Sarah Carter) shows up. Don’t get attached. She already making inappropriate jokes with Kim’s dad so we aren’t real confident in her survival chances. This IS a horror movie. As they pull out of the driveway, Kim’s dad sees the car is leaking transmission fluid. He seems worried. We are worried that it looks a little too much like blood.

Kim and Shaina pick up some absolute assholes to join them on the trip. I’m baffled that they are friends with these guys. There may have never been more annoying side characters. They laugh at a homeless lady. I begin to hope they die in some truly horrible way. Just to satisfy my bloodlust.

The group is stopped about to merge onto the highway. A bus of football players rolls by chanting pileup like it’s some kind of spell. I don’t know a lot about football. I assume pileups are how you win games. The radio has a few death omens for us as well. First, we hear that TODAY is the very anniversary of the Flight 180 crash. We all know what that means. Kim changes the station because hearing about all those dead people is sad. (Remember, there was a baby!?) The next song is highway to hell. She’s not into that either.

They roll onto the highway and her dad, finally, calls to let her know she should check out the car. It’s leaking blood/transmission fluid, and that’s probably bad. The check engine light comes on and Kim thinks it might be worth checking it out. All of her friends are unconcerned.

The idiots are smoking weed in the backseat when they notice a cop behind them and just chuck the lit cigarette out the window. Idiots. That seems way more noticeable than almost anything else they could have done. Meanwhile, the Hice Pale Ale (the drink of choice in the FD movies) truck driver is sampling the product while driving. Great. Drink responsibly folks. The dangerous highway gets even more terrifying as a dude is doing cocaine and driving. Does this actually happen? I’m stunned every drive isn’t riddled with cars rolled over because they were snorting off the dash.

A cool motorcycling dude weaves between the cars like he is trying to die. The cop notices none of this. He is too busy pulling up behind a log truck and spilling coffee. He didn’t bother to put in a cupholder all over himself. Now he is distracted by the 2nd degree burns on his crotch. He doesn’t immediately notice that the logs have launched off the truck like honing missiles. But he sure does see it right as it impales him through the window.

Cars explode left and right like they are full of napalm. The entire road is on fire. Kim’s car flips over but everyone survives. They begin to come to in time to see a huge mac truck burst through the flames, run over another half burned person, and slam into their car.

Just then Kim returns to the moment on the on ramp. It was all a premonition!

She recognizes this instantly and acts pretty decisively to save everyone behind her by moving her car so that it blocks the entry to the highway. The cop notices and walks up to find out what’s going on. He is very cool about her explanation of exploding cars and log trucks. But he does seem to think she is probably high. I mean, most drivers are today. Good call sir.

She steps out of the car. The other drivers pointlessly lay on their horns. She isn’t even in the car. Why do people do this? While explaining her dream/vision/premonition, the evil log truck rolls by. Kim screams for the cop to do something, I don’t really know what, but it explodes all of 2 seconds after. Right in front of a sign that says roadwork for 180 miles. Not the evil number!

Kim’s too stunned to notice a truck headed right for her. The cop is pretty agile though and just in time, he pushes her out of the way. He isn’t superman though and he can’t push all of her friends in the car out of the way so they all die instantly. I didn’t like any of them, anyway.

Everyone from the ramp is taken to the police station. I guess so we can see them all together because I’m not really sure why otherwise. Maybe just Kim. She tells everyone she thinks this is like that time all those kids got off an airplane before it exploded. Cool biker dude, Eugene (Terrance C. Carson) gives everyone a quick primer on Flight 180. He mentions that nothing happened to anyone for a month after the plane crash. Why? And don’t get all expectant about that this time, kids. Anyway, Eugene is not a believer in the whole death has a plan thing. He just thinks it’s fun to scare people. Also, he is the teacher of the group. Cool.

We learn Clear survived the last year. Alex did not. He was bricked. I’m not kidding. Nora (Lynda Boyd) and her son, Tim (James Kirk) leave because she also thinks all of this is bullshit. Honestly, fair. I wouldn’t believe it either. Kim is sure none of this is over. She can feel the deathiness.

We head over to Evan’s (David Paekau) apartment. He just won the lottery and has bought himself a bunch of crap to celebrate. Nothing good though. This is the same day as the crash. Death is not taking a rest day this time. He walks through an absurdly messy and dangerous hallway and trips on a doll missing an eye.

In his apartment, he dumps a bunch of spaghetti out the window, then uses the same unwashed pan to cook frozen mozzarella sticks. Gross. Death by bacteria was an option. He thinks a little Chinese food would complement the sticks nicely, so he grabs some out of the fridge. In the process, a magnet falls in. He doesn’t notice. This kitchen is a crime. The magnet letters now spell eye. Thanks for spelling it out for us. Now I know he will not die from flesh-eating bacteria. He pops the Chinese food into the microwave. And of course, the magnet doesn’t do well there.

The thing is, he can’t stop the sparking Chinese food because he dropped an expensive and ugly ring down the trash compactor. Let it go man, it’s just nature’s way of telling you it was hideous. But no. He sticks his hand down there with his new Rolex still on. God. I can’t believe he lived this long, anyway. His hand, predictably, gets stuck. Now the microwave is popping and extra challenge, the mozzarella sticks have lit on fire. As that is the primary issue right now, he hits the pan with a rag, hoping to stop the fire but only succeeding in knocking the pan to the floor and lighting the whole damn place on fire. Also predictably. He finally gets his arm out of the sink, sans watch, and tries to put out the fire. Small kitchen fire extinguishers are not intended for whole apartment fires and Evan learns this the hard way.

Giving up on saving the apartment, Evan uses a chair to break open the windows and heads down the fire escape. He thinks he’s safe as he hits the final descent. The ladder won’t extend all the way but no big. He drops down. And lands on the spaghetti he threw out the window and ends up sprawled on his back. Don’t litter kids. Sure, he has a headache, but he’s otherwise fine. But death isn’t done. Suddenly the ladder slides down to the ground, all of 2 feet, and impales him through the eye. Damn. Those are some deadly ladders.

All of the survivors are simultaneously watching the new coverage of Evan’s horrific demise. I cannot stress enough that this is literally the same day as the crash. Death is on it this time. This group isn’t getting the same month long break the FD 1 crew got. Nora is tucking in her son, and once again I’m struck by how odd his age is. Is he a child young enough to be tucked in? Because he looks like a teenager/young adult. She assures her 8 or 25-year-old child that all of that death talk is just nonsense and he is bound to live a long and prosperous life.

Kim can’t sleep. Yeah, I wouldn’t be able to either. Instead of doing the sensible thing and taking a benadryl she decides to look up Clear (Still Ali Larter). She literally MapQuests directions to her insane individual’s facility. We are speed running the information gathering portion of this movie.

Kim meets up with Clear, who does not want her to bring anything potentially dangerous into her room. Thankfully, Kim is all about sensible nails because the nurse checks that. Clear gives Kim the scoop on the whole death has a plan/watch out for the signs things. Clear tells her that she is gonna die. I mostly want to know how she is keeping up with that bottle blonde in this facility Impressive. Kim throws Clear off her game by telling her that people are dying in the opposite order from how they died in the crash. Clear is kind of into this for a moment, but ultimately decides the outdoors are for dead people and refuses to leave the facility to help Kim. This really grinds Kim’s gears, and she calls Clear a coward. I don’t know. Clear never learned to defeat death and I can’t blame a girl for self preservation skills.

When Kim gets home Burke, the cop, is hanging out. He wants to let her know they are calling for a survivor meetup in light of the whole Evan dying thing. While they’re talking, Kim sees a bunch of phantom pigeons. That’s some scary shit. She takes this opportunity to explain the whole signs thing to Burke and inform him that Nora and Tim are next.

Nora and Tim are just trying to live their lives. So Nora takes Tim to his previously scheduled dentist appointment. At the appointment, the dentist calls Tim out on his smoking. Again he smokes, and gets tucked in by mom? Make it make sense.

A pigeon made of steel slams into the window, cracking it. The dentist isn’t having it with these inconsiderate pigeons. He is constantly replacing windows, apparently. He starts Tim on laughing gas for a filling. We see that the fish tank breaks and sends water running toward an outlet. Classic death. Back in the waiting room, one of the super pigeons actually breaks through the glass causing a well-deserved panic. The dentist leaves Tim alone to check it out. That’s negligence. For sure.

While he’s gone, a puffer fish decoration falls into Tim’s mouth, cutting him off from oxygen. He is getting nothing but laughing gas from the cannula since the sneaky water jacked up the machine. Thank goodness the receptionist checks on him and saves him before he dies. Everyone is far too casual about the near miss.

They’re walking out of the office when Kim rolls up, screaming about pigeons. Which isn’t all that helpful. But Tim takes it to mean, look at all the pigeons – chase them! Which he does. This causes a flock to distract a crane operator who drops one of those glass panes right on Tim. Squashing him. Into goo. Nora tries to run after him, but Burke stops her.

Now we have the Tony Todd scene. His morgue is creepy as ever and wouldn’t look out of place in a haunted house attraction. He rolls Evan out on a slab for Clear, Burke, and Kim to see. And then rips off his nipple ring. It would have been easier to just remove it normally, but we all know Tony wants that reaction. He adds a little more to our catalogue of information on death plans. Saying new life defeats death. Now what do you think that means? Because I think it means one of these people needs to have a baby. They think it means that the pregnantl lady needs to have the baby she was already about to have. We will all be wrong.

Kim has a vision of a white van crashing into water. Danger is everywhere. They can see it. When I say that, they call it an anxiety disorder.

They put out an APB for this poor pregnant lady’s white van. She did nothing. This really feels like an abuse of power. Poor Isabella (Justina Machado)

They head to the survior’s meeting. And give everyone a burner phone because exchanging numbers would be JUST TOO MUCH. Cool dude Eugene thinks this is all bullshit. Which is fine because I probably would too, but then, why is he here? Bringing down all the vibes. He is just walking out when a kayak falls from the ceiling, the usual storage location, almost killing Clear. It’s probably a good idea to death proof the house. Nora doesn’t mind dying though, so she and Eugene head out. While cleaning, Rory (Johnathan Cherry) resident cocaine addict, sees a shadow that kinda looks like a dude with hooks. Everyone agrees this means Nora will be killed by a man with hooks. I would be terrible at this game.

They call Nora to give her the heads up and what a surprise a dude with prosthetic hands is right behind her, sniffing her. One of the hands snags on her hair, preventing her from running away. She trips and the elevator uses this moment to decapitate her. Those are some strong doors. Oh and Eugene believes it all now. I guess hanging out in an elevator with a head is all it took.

Eugene takes this moment of clarity to attempt to shoot himself with Burke’s gun, but death is all, no way. I decide and it is not your turn. I don’t know if this is empowering or horrifying. I lean toward the latter.

The cops have found Isabella in her allegedly stolen van. They throw this poor innocent, about to give birth, women in jail for exactly nothing. That, I know, is horrifying. She almost instantly goes into labor. They rush to the hospital.

Our survivors are on the way to meet her at the hospital. Every pregnant woman needs a bunch of strangers screaming about death omens in the delivery room. As they drive, all of our crash survivors share that they have previously cheated death. Because of the Flight 180 survivor’s deaths. They were held up or in different places than they were supposed to be. Ripple effect. Ooh. Before we can digest all of this, they are run off the road by Isabella and cop friend rushing to the hospital.

They crash into a farm, slamming into a ridiculous number of PVC pipes and trees. Cat is pinned under a tree and can’t move. Pipes bust through the car with one puncturing Eugene’s lung. Things are looking like a death trap in the making.

Police, rescue crews, and news vans driving like maniacs show up. The van almost hits the farmer’s son, but Rory to the rescue! He pulls him out of the way just in time. I’m sure this will have no impact on his future longevity. The idiot van driver parks right on top of those pipes, puncturing the gas tank. The gas slinks toward Cat. No worries.

Rory asks Kim to hide all of his drug paraphanelia and assorted other items when he dies. I appreciate the realism here. You aren’t going to survive this Rory. Kim agrees. But. She met him what? 2 days ago? 3? She doesn’t even know where he lives. She’s making promises she can’t keep.

The rescue crew is sawing Cat out of the car. She is amazingly unconcerned considering a slight breeze could take her out. They get a little aggressive and cause the airbag to deploy. It violently thrusts her head back…right onto one of those PVC pipes. And she’s dead. But no one really liked her.

We can’t even breathe before an expolsion caused by all that leaking gas throws a barbed wire fence through the air. It slices right through Rory. Trisecting him. He falls to pieces before our very eyes. Kim, where does he live? You have a job, I imagine a large one, to do.

Instead Clear, Kim, and Burke rush to the hospital. The let Kim our resident vision haver drive. She had a vision of a nurse strangling her and naturally assumes the nurse is going to strangle the newborn. As nurses do. All while driving.

Conviently Eugene is at the same hospital as Isabella. Everything is going pretty poorly for him. The oxygen tank is coming unplugged. He probably didn’t need that. His lung is just a little collapsed. Clear heads to find him while Kim and Burke stop the evil baby murdering nurse. She’s actually headed to save the baby but they are confident in their assessment. The baby has the cord around it’s neck and really could use the doctor they are recklessly delaying.

Kim bursts into the delivery room and sees the baby’s birth. Isabella is like who the hell are you? Which is fair because she has never met this woman. The baby is all good though. No thanks to Kim. Eugene’s equipment starts back up. The day is saved…

But then Kim remembers Isabella wasn’t going to die in the crash. What? This would have been very helpful information several hours ago. We renew our search for Eugene. The moment Clear opens the door the whole room explodes. Killing Clear and Eugene. A two in one! This is some bullshit. You do not kill survivors from the first movie in the second. No one likes that.

Kim realizes that her earlier premonition is about her drowing. She decides that drowning via white van and then being resussitated IS creating new life. I am dubious. Burke agrees with me. They share an unwarranted kiss, and Kim crashes and ambulance into a lake. There are probably easier ways to drown and to temporarily die.

Of course Burke saves her and they are confident in their success. I am not. The fan base is split on if they really defeated death. It seems the creators have not confirmed.

They meet up with the farmer and family because reasons. It’s been at least a few months. I think they only know these people because they destroyed the farm by crashing all over it and leaving a few dead bodies there. Then, the son explodes at the BBQ. It’s probably because Rory saved him earlier. I think they all die.

Stay tuned for Final Destination 3 next week! It’s rollercoster time.